Splitting the Bill

Whose meal was more expensive? Who drank more? Who paid last time the group went out?

We tend to entertain less at home and socialize more in restaurants today. I get a lot of questions about the fair way to split the restaurant check at the end of a meal. People handle this in varied ways but the best advice I’ve received is to clarify at the beginning of the meal. “Are we getting separate checks or splitting the bill?” This may seem rude; however, manners are about consideration for others and establishing how the bill will be split upfront may save a friend the anxiety of sitting through dinner worried that they’ll have to pay more than they budgeted.

If the restaurant isn’t willing to do separate checks or you generally eat or drink less than your friends or want three courses when you know the others will only have one, come prepared with cash. Calculate what you owe including tax and tip and put cash down. The rest of the group can split the bill. One of my daughter’s friends is an accountant. She pays the entire bill then creates a spreadsheet with what everyone ate and drank and sends each person a Venmo request for their fair share. This may seem nitpicky, but they are all young professionals with different levels of resources. They also eat out together frequently so ensures there’s no ill will over constantly covering someone else’s third drink or dessert.

Some people, and I am among them, assume that over the years, it will even out. My friends and I tend to split the bill evenly. However, if you ate or drank more than the rest of the group, it is kind to offer to pick up the tip.

If you are out to celebrate someone’s birthday or some other occasion, the group should split the cost of the honoree’s meal and drinks. If it is your birthday and you have invited your friends to celebrate with you, then you should treat everyone as they are your guests.

If you want to treat your friends or family it’s a lovely gesture that will be appreciated, but it shouldn’t be expected and not everyone has the resources to pick up the tab even if they may want to.

Manners are about respect, consideration and kindness. Clarify up front what the arrangements will be so that all are comfortable. Don’t make assumptions that others are in your financial position. The important thing is to enjoy your friends, connect with others and have everyone feel fairly treated so you can enjoy another meal together.